Say those words to the average fan and they'll say something like "I'd rather watch with the sound off." Who can blame them. They're like the used car salesmen of the sports world--a route you have to go down sometimes if you want to follow your favorite team.
Thing is, some of them are really good and worth listening to. Some are OK. And others? Hell, you just want to call the chapter of Goodfellas Local 151 and have them take out his tongue so you never have to listen to him again.
Just for giggles, here's who I think are the best (and worst) of the announcers. Feel free to add or criticize.
Let's just stick to current guys who broadcast nationally televised games/sports. Any sport, too. (And don't do the color announcers. We'll cover those soon.)
Jon Miller, ESPN
If Vin Scully announced nationally televised games like Sunday Night Baseball on ESPN, then Miller would be the game's second best announcer. He's just the best.
Joe Buck, FOX
Buck is really getting much, much better. He's almost channeling Scully's understated-ness in a huge moment. Take this past Super Bowl: "Manning.... Burress....touchdown.". And then he let the moment happen. It was a thing of announcing beauty.
Al Michaels, NBC
You can just tell how much fun Michaels has announcing his Sunday Night Football games. He's even good when the game is completely gone or out of hand, like when New England thumped the Buffalo Bills this past season. Just very, very good.
Jim Nantz, CBS
His voice is as much of The Masters now as Amen Corner. He announces golf's most sacred event in its most sacred venue like it should be: in quiet, understated reverence.
Calls great football and basketball games, too.
Bob Costas, NBC
Poor Bob. If only NBC aired baseball or football on a regular basis. Or any sport outside of the Olympics, for that matter. I miss him calling the World Series.
Brent Musberger, ABC/ESPN
How this man still has a job is beyond me. The Drama Queen of All Announcers. He has no "feel" for the game, any game, he announces. There's even a college drinking game in his honor because he repeatedly uses the same phrases over and over and over again. Do not play this game on an empty stomach or with tequila.
Bryant Gumbel, NFL Network
He should never have left "The Today Show". Worst. Career Move. Ever. Can't get to sleep? Little insomnia? Forget Rozerem. Just listen to Gumbel announce a football game.
Stuart Scott, ESPN
Not as cool as the other side of the pillow. And as annoying as being in tent filled with gnats. Fortunately for all of us, he rarely announces games. But when he does...sweet merciful crap.
Sal Masekela, ESPN
Who are you and why do you have a job? Oh, you "announce" the "The X Games"? Go. Away. Permanently. And take your "Games" with you.
Marv Albert, various media outlets
Aside from being known for putting a mean overbite on his lovers, Albert is the most imitated announcer around ("Yes!"). And that's not a good thing. A guy makes a 2-pointer in the first quarter and you'd think the Knicks just won the NBA Finals. Stop.