Time for a quick, quip-filled review of the first month in Major League Baseball--with a slight nod and harkening back to my pre-season picks. (Team-by-team reviews will be done in order of the current standings as of May 1.)

AL WEST:
LOS ANGELES ANGELS: Despite an anemic offense, they're in first. For now. Still the dumbest team name on the planet.
SEATTLE: A deceptive 10-10 record. They've had 6 snow/rainouts. Jeff Weaver's career is over. Ichiro is happy...for the moment.
OAKLAND: Ouch! Harden, Kotsay, Bradley, Swisher, Kielty, Billy Beane's dog, all on the DL. Still scraping around, though.
TEXAS: Teixeria is off to another slow start. Sammy is back! Will the real Hank Blalock please show up? Could be lots better, could be lots worse.

AL CENTRAL:
CLEVELAND: Well looky here who's in first. Just like I said they would be. But not by much. Just like I said they would be.
DETROIT: Gary Sheffield is still finding his swing; that will come around. Getting good starts and good relief.
MINNESOTA: Johan Santana looks like the early season Johan Santana of years past. That spells trouble for the rest of division. Somebody please explain why Justin Morneau hits 5th and not 3rd in this lineup.
CHCAGO WHITE SOX: Also just like I said, struggling along. Injury to Thome and Konerko's lousy average are potential killers. No Podsednik doesn't help, either.
KANSAS CITY: KC barbecue is still good. Royals still bad. Though Gil Meche looks respectable.

AL EAST:
BOSTON: I was wrong, Boston does have some pitching. Little less impressed by Dice-K than everyone else is. Beckett and Schilling have been solid. Manny still isn't hitting.
TORONTO: Sneaky little blue birds are definitely a force. Good news: Adam Lind. Better news: AJ Burnett looks healthy. Bad news: BJ Ryan's injury means the pen has to really step up.
ORIOLES: Proof that April is deceptive. A record of 12-14 and they're in 3rd place. Day after day, the batting order makes no sense. Daniel Cabrera, the world's most schizophrenic pitcher.
TAMPA BAY: BJ Upton is a fantasy baseball must have. Maybe they need to trade some of that outfield talent for some pitching.
NEW YORK YANKEES: OK, I admit it: They're pitching sucks. It's far worse than I imagined. Torre is overworking the pen, and the only Royals are worse, thanks to A-Rod's monster April (.359/14/34)

NL WEST:
ARIZONA: Again, I was right. Lots of pitching in this division, but not much hitting. D-Backs are doing it with, what else, pitching.
DODGERS: Should I just say "See Arizona comment above"?
SAN FRANCISCO: What I really want to know is: Are the walkers that they are using to get around the bases on steroids? Old people shouldn't be crossing the plate this often. Barry Bonds looks really healthy.
SAN DIEGO: What did I say about Jake Peavy? Peavy gets tutored by Maddux, world notices. And that it did with his 16K performance last week.
COLORADO: Too little pitching + too little hitting = last place. Todd Helton is hitting well, but still sans power. Garret Atkins needs to show up.

NL CENTRAL:
MILWAUKEE: I said if Ben Sheet is healthy, watch out. Ben Sheets is healthy, but he's not the only reason to watch out. This scrappy bunch is getting timely hits.
PIRATES: I'm probably going to regret trading Jason Bay in my fantasy league. (I got Arroyo and Harang in return.) Ian Snell is quickly proving to be a stud. Zack Duke is not. Are they working things out on the banks of the Three Rivers?
CHICAGO CUBS: The $136 million kid (aka: Alfonso Soriano) didn't hit homer all of April. That'll change. Carlos Zambrano seems testier than usual; maybe it's the one-year contract. Mark Prior and Kerry Wood's bodies are made of egg shells.
ST LOUIS: Even before the death of Hancock, the Cards looked uninspired and unmotivated. On the lighter side: If an Albert Pujols fantasy owner screams in the woods, can you hear it? Answer: Yes, all the way to Timbuk Too.
HOUSTON: Yuck, yuck and double yuck. Biggio, Burke, Berkman, Lane, Scott, nobody's hitting. Good news: Hunter Pence was called up on Friday. He should have been starting on April 2. Hitting will come around soon. It better.

NL EAST:
ATLANTA: Evidence that aliens are among us? Something else is residing in the body of Tim Hudson. 12K's in one game? Huh?
NEW YORK: OK, Mets fans, here's your one and only apology: I'm sorry, you were right. The Mets do have pitching. Memo to Carlos Delgado: Stop bashing the country that pays you umpteen million dollars a year to hit .188 with 1 HR.
FLORIDA: Still scrappy, still can play. Fully capable of making a serious run at the division.
PHILDELPHIA: OK, Phils fans, here's your one and only apology: I'm sorry I picked your team. They're bad. But slowly getting better. Though: I wonder if scouts finally found the hole in Howard's swing? Jamie Moyer (3-1, 2.65 ERA), we miss you here in Seattle.
WASHINGTON: After going to a recent Nats game, President Bush declares, "If I owned this team, I couldn't cut and run fast enough..."

PLAYER OF THE MONTH: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
PITCHER OF THE MONTH: John Maine, Mets
ROOKIE OF THE MONTH: BJ Upton, Devil Rays
"INCONEVIENCE" OF THE MONTH: Just after Al Gore receives an Oscar for "An Inconveinent Truth", a record number of games are either snowed or rained out in the first 2 weeks of the season. What say you, Al?
PERSONAL FANTASY BASEBALL HEADACHE OF THE MONTH (tie): Mark Teixeria and Lance Berkman.*

*I'm in a keeper league. My keepers were A-Rod, Jason Bay and Mark Teixeria. My first pick was Berkman. Fun.