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The All-Time Most Troubled NFL Team

The other day I was chatting with a friend and co-worker who is part-time sportswriter about the current NFL free agency madness when Adam "Pacman" Jones name popped into our conversation. We made some joke or biting reference about his current troubles when one of us spit out the name Lawrence Phillips--the poster boy for troubled NFL stars.

That got us to thinking, could we put together an entire team of troubled NFL players at each position? As it turns out, it was disturbingly easy.

Did we have any criteria as for what constituted a troubled NFL player? Not really. Some guys, like Phillips, have been found guilty of crimes; others were found innocent (Chmura); and still others you may wonder why they even made the list. In Ken Hamlin's case, he made the list because A.) He's a local guy and we had to have at least one Seahawk on the team and, B.) When you're in a brawl outside a nightclub and get hit upside the head with a 'No Parking' sign and subsequently miss the rest of the season with a skull fracture, that qualifies you. You could also make the team by creating a firestorm with your mouth (White). And finally, but not in the least, the all-star backfield is anchored by none other than OJ Simpson.

Other than that, the only real criteria a player had to meet was that his offense had to occur off the field. So that rules out guys like Jack "The Assassin" Tatum and Albert Haynesworth, whose infractions occurred on the field.

Several interesting notes, too. None too surprising were the plethora of Cowboys and former University of Miami Hurricanes that made the list. We're also lacking a punter (no one came to mind), a linebacker, a tackle and we're short on players pre-1980--which just can't be; somebody must've done something notorious. Weirdly enough, the team is really pretty talented and loaded with Pro Bowlers. Which makes it all the more pathetic that these nitwits did something so idiotic to land on the list in the first place.

That's where you come in. Add to the list, and I'll revise and post it again.

Oh, and if you don't hear from me, it probably means one of these guys on the list have read this and I've had to enter a Witness Relocation Program and am currently hanging out playing canasta with Henry Hill.

QB: Art Schlichter
RB: Lawrence Phillips, Maurice Clarett, OJ Simpson
FB: Jamal Lewis
WR: Rae Carruth, Chris Henry
C: Barrett Robbins
G: Mark Tuinei, Nate Newton
T: Erik Williams
TE: Mark Chmura

DL: Darrell Russell, Tank Johnson, Reggie White
LB: Ray Lewis, Joey Porter
CB: Adam "Pacman" Jones, Mike Doss
S: Ken Hamlin, Eugene Robinson
K: Mike Vanderjagt, Sebastian Janikowski

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Comments (13)

"Hacksaw" Reynolds, Pre-80'... (Below threshold)

"Hacksaw" Reynolds, Pre-80's

An update of my previous po... (Below threshold)

An update of my previous post.

Jack "Hacksaw" Reynolds was an American football player who started out as a fullback and changed to linebacker. He was a first-round draft pick by the Los Angeles Rams in 1970 and played there 11 years before going to the San Francisco 49ers in 1981. He played with the Niners 3 more years and won 2 Super Bowls with them: Super Bowl XVI and Super Bowl XIX. He wore the number 64 throughout his career. Played in a total of 13 postseason games.

Reynolds earned his nickname in college by sawing a Volkswagen Beetle in half with a hacksaw after his team lost a game to Mississippi 38-0.

Yeah, I don't think Hacksaw... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:

Yeah, I don't think Hacksaw qualifies. It's not against the law to saw a VW Bug in half (unless it wasn't his car) and it didn't do harm to anyone else or break the law, so he won't make the list.

there's a bunch of guys who... (Below threshold)

there's a bunch of guys who should at least make the practice squad. Lawrence Taylor, who cured himself of cocaine addiction by playing golf, Christian Peter of Nebraska who beat up someone and also his girlfriend. seems like the giants also had some defensive back who got sent to the slammer for beating the daylights out of his live in.
was it solomon wilcotts or some other bengal who missed a superbowl due to an inconvenient arrest?
in the old days running back and former heisman trophy winner paul hornung was suspended a year for gambling as was all pro defensive tackle alex karras.

semi:Great calls o... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:


Great calls on Hornung and Karras. Taylor is a fantastic call! How could I forget him? Full-blown starter on this team.

Not sure about Peters and Wilcotts; I can't seem to find much on what they did. And maybe you're thinking of Eugene Robinson on that Bengals player? Not sure.


my bad on poor solomon wilc... (Below threshold)

my bad on poor solomon wilcotts. the guy i was thinking of was stanley wilson. got himself coked up the night before the super bowl against the 49ers. i believe his 3rd felony arrest got him sent to jail for a long time about 8 or 10 years ago.

christian peter is in the nebraska hall of fame. he was written up in a book on football players beating the rap and having coaches look the other way. i think further research will show his brief tenure with the giants was regarded as a second chance.

and if you need another running back, how about kevin mack of the browns. lotta guys did drugs, he sold them. of course since rumor had it he could still carry a football, the browns were more than willing to forgive and forget although it is possible someone hauled off and gave him a dirty look.

if you're looking for a cowboy for your team, how about bob hayes? also may qualify as an old timer. believe he served 10 years or so. university of miami? back about 25 years or so, their series against notre dame was known as "catholics versus convicts" can't recall any specifics now, but i suspect research would turn something up.

semi:Wow, old Stan... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:


Wow, old Stanley Wilson may just make the team as starter. I was reading a Wiki bio on him and it jogged my memory about him and the Super Bowl. Yeah, going on a coke bender before the SB is NOT a good idea. Per Wiki, too, he was convicted and sentenced to 22 years in prison for a California burglary. Yikes.

Couldn't find much on Peters playing career in the NFL, so he'll just have to remain in the Nebraska HOF, right next to Phillips.

Kevin Mack is a good call, too. But given the talented offenders ahead of him, he'll be assigned to the practice squad. lol

As for Bob Hayes, I couldn't find anything on him. No jail time, nothing. Maybe you're thinking of somebody else?

Thanks for the contributions! (If you can think of a punter than would round out the team nicely!)

Bob Hayes won the 100 meter... (Below threshold)

Bob Hayes won the 100 meter dash at the 64(?) Olympics in 10.05 sec and anchored the 400 meter relay team with an 8.6 second time which earned him title world's fastest human. (facts from cnnsi.com) he was drafted as a raw talent by the cowboys but had a fine career and remains the only person to have won both an olympic gold medal and a super bowl ring.

toward the end of his career he sold drugs to an undercover cop and served 10 months. this was at a time when we believed this to be kind of rare and is said to be the only thing keeping him out of the pro football hall of fame. he passed away due to kidney failure in 2002.

he reminded me though of hollywood henderson, another fine cowboy. i believe henderson turned his life around and serves as a motivational speaker although i'd have to do some research to verify that.

Todd Sauerbrun, punter of t... (Below threshold)

Todd Sauerbrun, punter of the panthers got a dui a few years back. but, if an exemption could be made on this team for a talented draftee, i'd like you to consider Mitch Cozad. A backup punter last year for Northern Colorado, he elected to improve his chances to become a first team punter by stabbing the incumbent in the leg. That's the kind of raw talent that this team may want to take into consideration.

semi:LOL. I totall... (Below threshold)
Peter F.:


LOL. I totally remember that story about the punter last year! Too bad he was in college. Damn! BUT maybe he could get drafted onto the team. Saurbrun is a canddiate.

Great call on Hollywood Henderson! Sniffing blow on the sidelines during the Super Bowl really earns you a slot as a starter. He helps fill out the linebacker corp, too. (And you're right, he did turn things around. Why? He won the Texas State lottery in 2000.)

Your memory is definitely better than mine!

See how easy this was? Disturbingly so...

i'm sure we can keep going ... (Below threshold)

i'm sure we can keep going on this and fill a complete roster and start another whole team. can get an nba team going too. ron artest and latrell spreewell along with dennis rodman would be a good start there. maybe we could get tonya harding to be a cheerleader for the football team.

if we start on rock starts, actors and actresses and politicians, this could become a very long thread.

you might enjoy this articl... (Below threshold)
Almost forgot, As a slot re... (Below threshold)

Almost forgot, As a slot receiver I assume you have room for Michael Irvin?

If Trouble is all that's required you should have a slot for Alonzo Spellman on your d-line, though his trouble came from undiagnosed, then his refused treatment for, bipolar disorder.

Former (Steelers) offensive tackle Justin Strzelczyk, 36, was killed in a high-speed chase on the New York Thruway in 2004. With police in pursuit, the pickup truck Strzelczyk was driving collided with a tanker truck

Another possible quarterback could be Joe Namath of "I want to kiss you" fame.

The best head coach I can come up with is Rick Neuheisel.


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