OK so I admit it. I really can’t wait for the NBA season. Yes, Ok, yes you’ve got me; I sit at home and repeatedly check the NBA wires on the Internet. The only problem is, because it’s not even October, I have found that most of the waiver news actually involves inactive players, or in some cases, players that should probably consider deactivating themselves. So here it is, my NBA retirement roundup.

- Michael Jordan Squashes Return Rumours:

So Michael finally came out and squashed rumours that he would be returning to the NBA to play with Shaq and the Miami Heat. Whew. I was really worried there for a second. I’m not sure anybody could have taken that seriously. Unless of course this is the part where Jordan denies the rumour, only then furthering it, until he mysteriously ends up at camp. I hate that part. But thankfully, I think Michael is done for real, I mean, Barry Bonds is sporting a slimmer look at this point.

- Karl Malone Might not be Back in L.A:

Well that’s probably best for everyone. I mean, I think Malone would have done well to follow Stockton’s lead, and retire as a member of the Jazz, not chasing scoring records or rings that he probably won’t get. Still, much as I feel like Stockton carried the duo through many of the years, no matter what happens you have to like Malone’s career. An all-time great. Too bad we’ll probably see him in Miami, but Karl, if you’re reading, leave it alone will you?

- Kevin Willis returns at 42 to the Hawks:

Oh I like this move. He’ll really compliment Antoine Walker’s throwing up 40 foot three pointers and Al Harrington stumbling around the court looking for Jermaine O’Neal.

- Nate “Tiny” Archibald looks poised to be the next head coach of the ABA’s Long Beach Jam.

Nate is one of the NBA’s 50 greatest all-time, so why is he with a team that's most impress claim is that last season they won it all on the back of a comeback effort by Dennis Rodman. Only in Long Beach.

- Clyde Drexler is mulling a return:

Dear God. He says it’ll take a special offer from a championship contender to make it happen. But Clyde looked 45 with that moustache when he was 30, so he’d probably look and what’s worse play, like a grandfather after six years away from the game. But I don’t think it’ll happen, after all, this is his chance to do one thing Michael Jordan can’t. Stay retired.

- Rockets broadcaster and ex-player Calvin Murphy is not going to assume analyst duties this season, as he will be on trial for sexually abusing 5 of his daughters ten years ago. Murphy has 14 children with nine women.

Oh, you didn’t actually think I was going to touch that one did you?

- The Utah Jazz are going to retire John Stockton’s number:

Damn right they are. For all the appreciation Stockton gets, I still don’t think he gets enough for how unbelievable he was. Let’s look at his career. Drafted 16th overall in one of the best draft years ever, 1984, and he said all he wanted to do was stay in the league long enough to pay for a house. 20 years later, let’s salivate at these career numbers.

19 Seasons – 16 without a game missed.

1504 games. (He only missed 54 regular in the regular season).

13.1 points a game. 19711 total.

.826 free throw percentage

.515 field goal percentage

3265 steals, first all time.

And of course, the 15806 assists, also first all time, complete with a tidy 10.5 a game.

Good god. I’m sorry, but I think pretty much every NBA player today could learn from this guy. He played 19 seasons in UTAH, helping to build them into a respectable franchise, was a perennial all-star and never complained about anything. Vince Carter would do well to take after Stockton. He was truly the consummate professional. See you in Springfield John.

“If you’re blocking cash, we lock that a**, I’m-a put it in your chest like a Stockton pass…- Big Daddy Kane