Weddings and Sports: A Guide to Proper Etiquette

As I was sitting in the St. Francis By the Sea Church in Hilton Head, South Carolina this weekend witnessing the marriage of my friends Tim and Jessica, one thought was running through my head: I wonder how Schilling is pitching against the Royals?
Sure, I was happy to see two people I care about celebrate their love by joining together in holy matrimony, but I also really wanted to see if the Sox could extend their winning streak and how Game One of the Lightning-Flyers series would turn out.
And I wasn't the only one. In the receiving line after the service, in the midst of a congratulatory hug with the groom (an ardent Lightning fan) he whispered in my ear "I hear it's tied 0-0 mid-way through the first."
Later on in the day I asked him how many times he honestly thought about the game (which started midway through the service) during the wedding.
"Only once," he said. And his bride was so beautiful, I think I might have actually believed him.
But this was only game one of a hockey series. What if Wake Forest had been in the Final Four when Tim was saying "I do?" Or what if he was a die-hard Red Sox fan and his wedding reception started at the same time as Game 6 of the World Series? What is one to do in those situations?
A lot of couples actually move their wedding dates around, as not to coincide with sporting events. I've heard about a guy who had to wait until the Tennessee football schedule came out before he would plan for a fall wedding.
While that might be a bit extreme, it makes a tiny bit of sense. After all, a groom can't exactly be glancing at a television set during his first dance.
But what about the guests? What is the proper etiquette for checking scores during a church service or reception? Is it acceptable to bring a Walkman? How long can you spend at the hotel bar watching a game? And is it ever acceptable to heckle?
Here are some thoughts on the subjects, with assistance from my girlfriend Allison, who has already been warned that Game One of the World Series falls on the same night as a wedding we are going to in October.
"First of all, anything involving an earpiece is totally inappropriate," Allison begins. I briefly think about presenting a counter-argument (after all, if ladies can wear dangly earrings, why can't a guy have dangly headphones), but that Al's debating skills rival Frank the Tank's in Old School ("That's the way you debate") and instead I wisely let her continue.
"For a short service you should just stay patient," the beautiful blond says. "After all, a Presbyterian wedding is about as short as a pit stop at a NASCAR race. But for a full Catholic mass, checking the phone is the VERY most you should do and should only be reserved for pennant races and championship games."
It’s great advice, but as television money has come to dominate sports, most big games take place in the evening, which means during the reception.
I was in Los Angeles two years ago and watched Game 7 of that amazing Lakers-Kings Western Conference Finals series in a hotel bar. About half of the guests were in the bar area watching the game. Every now and then the ring bearer would run in and say everybody had to come back for the toast, or the first dance and everybody would abide. But five minutes later they all returned. Keep in mind, this was Game 7 of one the best NBA playoff series in recent memory. But was it kosher? (The watching, not the wedding.)
When Allison told me the date of that wedding in October was the same as Game 1 of the Series, my initial response was "I hope you know I'll be in the coatroom with a transistor radio if the Sox are in it."
Her response, "'Checking the score' is not an excuse for getting out of dancing at the wedding."
Seeing as I dance about as well as Mark Madsen at a victory parade, I need all the excuses I can get. But I realized a David Ortiz at-bat wasn't going to get me out of dancing to a Temptations song.
So I asked what could get me out of the ballroom and into the bar with the TV.
"You can definitely get out of dancing or any other obligation if it's the bottom of the ninth inning," Allison explained, "but not because it's the third inning and you want to see if 'Pedro has his stuff' tonight."
She also says that it is alright to check the score on your phone and receive text messages and phone calls for updates as long as their is no ringing and you aren't talking during an important moment in the reception.
But checking scores and getting phone calls from your buddy can only go so far. If there is a TV near the reception hall, is there an acceptable ratio of time spent in the party vs. the bar?
Allison ponders this question for a minute.
"I feel like this depends on a number of factors," she finally says. "First of all, how many people are at the wedding. If you'll be missed, then you shouldn't go. Second, how important the game is. Game 7 of the Series, OK. Maryland-Northern Iowa football, no. Three, how far the bar is away from the reception. Also, if the groom is watching the game, then you can do the same. On the whole, I'd say a 3:1 to ratio of reception time to game time is about right."
She adds that every situation is different and everything depends on the circumstances. If you're in the wedding party, for example, then the 3:1 ratio is null and void.
"If you're the best man you have responsibilities that severely hamper your ability to leave the reception," Allison cautions. "Use your best judgment. There is no right answer.
Besides, being able to talk knowledgably about the big game makes you a good mingler and that makes the wedding a success. After all, you want them to be happy, right?"
On Saturday night, everybody was happy. The weather had been absolutely perfect in Hilton Head, the church service went off without a hitch, everybody had a good time at the reception, the band had guests young and old getting jiggy with it on the dance floor, the food was exquisite, the drinks were flowing and most importantly, the newlyweds looked like the two happiest people on earth.
And it didn't even seem to matter to the groom that earlier in the day, the Lightning had won their game.