Why should April fools have all the fun. Surely a fool in September deserves a special day just like a fool in April. And what about February fools? They’re already a fool in the shortest month of the year, isn’t that enough to warrant a holiday in their honor?
Apparently not. So in honor of fools not just in April, the Top 5 Fools in sports:

5) Stephen Jackson – Broke fool
Was it William Shakespeare or Mr. T who said, “I pity the fool”? Regardless of who uttered the immortal phrase, both the Bard and the star of D.C. Cab likely would show compassion for the foolishness of Stephen Jackson.
Unless you are one of the 14 remaining Atlanta Hawks fans, the last time you probably saw Mr. Jackson was during last year’s NBA Finals when he played a pivotal role in helping the San Antonio Spurs win the championship. Jackson, a 6-foot-8 swingman with the Spurs, averaged 12 points and 5 rebounds for the team during the playoffs and scored 17 in the clincher of the Finals.
Despite Jackson’s tendency to turn the ball over in key situations, the Spurs wanted to bring him back and offered him a contract worth about $10 million over three years. Jackson, and his agent, decided that he was worth considerably more on the open market and rejected the Spurs offer. FOOL!
Apparently Jackson, who had played in Venezuela, the CBA and been cut from two NBA teams in the previous three years, wanted $4 million per season to play.
Unfortunately for that fool, nobody offered him that or anything even close to the Spurs contract. Instead, Jackson had to sign with the Atlanta Hawks for $2.1 million over two years, or $8 million less than the Spurs offered him. Jackson still has a good amount of money, but now this fool won’t be able to buy as much Cristal and lap dances at the Gold Club.

4) Ricky Davis – Travelin fool
The man, and I use that term loosely, once shot the ball at his own basket in an attempt to get his own rebound that would have given him his first triple-double of his career. Of course, when you shoot at your own basket, the ball becomes dead and Davis, a Cleveland Cavalier at the time, was stuck on nine rebounds and with the ridicule of the sporting world.
Then the Cavs drafted LeBron James. Apparently Davis didn’t like playing second fiddle to anybody, even though he is, at best, a guy good for 16 points and 6 rebounds. So he kept mouthing off and showing up late and being an all-around fool and got himself traded to the Celtics. So instead of playing Pippen to LeBron’s MJ, Davis is instead playing the same role with Jiri Welsch.. Good work, fool. You had the winning lottery ticket, but then traded it for a pack of Parliaments.

3) Kellen Winslow, Jr. – Delusional fool
After losing a football game to Tennessee last fall, Miami tight end Kellen Winslow said about it, “It’s war. They’re out to kill you, so I’m out there to kill them. I’m a solider.” Apparently Winslow has been watching The Last Boy Scout DVD one too many times.

2) Jim Harrick, Jr. – Academic fool
If Larry, Jack Tripper’s best friend from Three’s Company, had a son; he’d be Jim Harrick Jr. Harrick Jr. and his father (assistant and head coach, respectively) were fired from the University of Georgia amid allegations of academic fraud and paying players bills. The academic fraud charges came about because of a course Harrick Jr. taught called ‘Basketball 101’. In said “course”, everybody received an A, the players on the team didn’t show, and his Final Exam was easier than Paris Hilton after a night at the Viper Room. Some of the questions from that exam are below. Sadly, I’m not making this up.

1) How many goals are on a basketball court

a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4

2) How many players are allowed to play at one time on any one team in a regulation game?

a) 2
b) 3
c) 4
d) 5

8) How many points does a 3-point field goal account for in a basketball game?

a) 1
b) 2
c) 3
d) 4

18) How many fouls is a player allowed to have in one basketball game before fouling out in that game?

a) 3
b) 5
c) 7
d) 0

20) In your opinion, who is the best Division I assistant coach in the country?

a) Ron Jursa
b) John Pelphry
c) Jim Harrick, Jr.
d) Steve Wojciechowski

The best part about the test, besides the fact that he made it multiple choice, is that a few of the answers aren’t even right.
Question #2 asks how many players are allowed on the floor. Well, you’re allowed to have as many as five players on floor, but if you’ve seen Hoosiers, you’ll know that you can play with four, three, two or even one player if necessary.
And with question #18 Harrick’s correct answer was B, which is incorrect. It takes five fouls to foul out a game. His question asks how many a player can have before fouling out. Then the answer is four. Or three. Or zero. You are allowed those. If you have five, then you’re out.
So Harrick Jr. isn’t just a fool, but he’s a stupid fool at that.
And by the way, everybody knows that the answer to #20 is clearly D.

1) Bud Selig – Everyday fool
Winston Churchill once said, “The greatest lesson in life is to know that fools are even right sometimes.” Obviously, WC never met BS.
OK, maybe the Wild Card was a pretty good idea, but besides that, lets look at Bud’s track record: Canceling the 1994 World Series, the unbalanced schedule (for every Red Sox-Yankees series, there are 19 Orioles-Devil Rays matchups on the schedule), lack or revenue sharing, the All-Star game tie, expansion teams in Miami and Tampa, open talks about contraction five days after the best World Series in recent history, putting the ownership of the Montreal Expos in the hand of the other 29 baseball owners for two years which lead to, the Expos selling off all their players and inability to make important September call-ups and playing 22 games a year in San Juan, Puerto Rico. This gives the Expos essentially 103 road games, making it nearly impossible for them to make the playoffs.
But maybe Bud’s right. After all, moving the Expos to Washington D.C. doesn’t make any sense. Why would one of the largest markets in the country, with the most disposable income of any region still without baseball be a good place to put a team? If I know Selig, and I think I do, look for the Seattle or Hampton Roads Expos to be playing ball in a few years.
Even without that ridiculous comb-over, Selig would still be the biggest fool in a world full of fools.

Happy April Fools Day everybody. And if you see a fool today, let them know how much of a fool they are and how much you pity them… Shakespeare style.