Pre-pre-preseason Redskins Predictions

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It doesn’t make much sense to predict the upcoming NFL season before the draft, training camp and preseason. But it also doesn’t make much sense to drive a total of two-and-a-half hours roundtrip for some Popeye’s chicken, which my college roommate and I did on occasion. So, here are my predictions for the Redskins 2004 regular season.

September 12 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
Vs. Tampa Bay

A tough opener for Joe Gibbs and the Redskins. The Bucs, after their obligatory post-Super Bowl slump, have a new-look defense that Gibbs joked “we’ll be lucky to gain a yard on.” An win in the season opener isn’t essential, but with two games against NFC East rivals following, Gibbs and Co. would certainly like to get a win.
Pick: Tampa Bay

September 19 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
At New York Giants

Two new coaches square off in this old rivalry. One is Joe Gibbs. The other is Tom Coughlin. This game will tell more about the Redskins than the Bucs game will. The Skins have not preformed well against the Giants in recent years and if the Redskins can pull out a W, it should go a long to way to determining how they fare the rest of the season.
Pick: Washington

September 27 – Monday Night – 9:00 p.m. – ABC
Vs. Dallas

The last time the Redskins faced Dallas on Monday night was in 2001 when both teams went into the game 0-4 and played one of the poorest MNF game in recent memory. The Cowboys prevailed 9-7, and somehow the score doesn’t quite tell how ugly the game actually was. Don’t expect a redux of that performance. Gibbs and Parcells won’t let that happen.
Pick: Dallas and Panic in D.C.

October 3 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
At Cleveland

This has all the making of a classic trap game. The Skins head to Cleveland for a game book ended by primetime tilts. Coming off a short week, this game could cause an early crisis in Washington.
Pick: Washington

October 10 – Sunday night - 8:30 p.m. – ESPN
Vs. Baltimore

Repeat after me: This is not a rivalry. And no amount of media hype or pre-game trash talking between Lavar and Ray-Ray will make it so.
Nobody in Washington cares about the Ravens, despite what people in Baltimore might tell you. Ravens fans are kind of like those suck-ups at your office who are always trying to show the boss (Skins fans) how great they are, and the boss, in turn, doesn’t even know they exist.
There is a criteria to having a rivalry. The teams involved must have two of the following:
1) Close proximity
2) Bad blood
3) Recent playoff battles
4) History
5) Lots of matchups every season

The Skins and Ravens only have one of those. Ergo, no rivalry. I’m sure Joe Thiesmann will see it otherwise.
Pick: Washington

October 17 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
At Chicago

If Dan Synder is anything like the press claims he is, then if the Bears win, he’ll actually be upset he didn’t hire Lovie Smith.
Pick: Washington

October 31 – 1 p.m. – FOX
Vs. Green Bay

Brett Favre makes his first appearance in Washington D.C. (well, his first appearance in D.C. or Raljon or Landover, if you wanna really get down to it).
Pick: Green Bay

November 7 – 1 p.m. – FOX
At Detroit

For this road trip, Clinton Portis might want to pack that big championship belt he wore after he ran for over 200 yards and 5 TD’s last season.
Pick: Washington

November 14 – 4:05 p.m. – CBS
Vs. Cincinnati

Even though I expect the Redskins to have five or six wins by this point in the season, why do I get the suspicion that Craig Bolerjack and Beasley Reece will be calling this game for the Tiffany network?
Pick: Washington
November 21 – 4:15 p.m. – FOX
At Philadelphia

The Real World: Philadelphia will be taping this fall. So expect to see Fred Smoot trying to pick up the ladies in the house on about Episode 8.
Pick: Philadelphia

November 28 – 1 p.m. – FOX
At Pittsburgh

This is the first time that the Redskins have had back-to-back road games in Pennsylvania since 1965. The Skins split that road trip (losing 21-14 to the Eagles and crushing Mike Nixon’s Steelers 31-3). A similar result this go-round would be acceptable.
Pick: Pittsburgh

December 5 – 4:15 p.m. – FOX
Vs. New York Giants

Nothing says NFC East football like a showdown between teams from East Rutherford, New Jersey and Landover, Maryland.
Pick: Washington

December 12 – Sunday Night – 8:30 p.m. – ESPN
Vs. Philadelphia

Who wants to give me 6-1 odds that after the game, Sportscenter’s Sunday Conversation will feature Terrell Owens bitching about how Donovan McNabb doesn’t get him the ball or not?
Pick: Philadelphia

December 18 – Saturday – 5:00 p.m. – FOX
At San Francisco

When your team loses on Sunday it ruins your night, which isn’t that bad since Sunday nights are normally spent in front of the TV lamenting about how nothing is on since The Sopranos is in one of its patented 16-month vacations. But on Saturday, it ruins your night, which means that you drink more at the bar, spend too much money on Jager shots, have a bad hangover Sunday that gets worse once you realize you emptied your bank account at the last bar you don’t remember being at, then you can’t pay your rent, you get kicked out on the street, you get fired from your job for smelling because you have no access to a shower and then you end up panhandling at an intersection with a less clever sign than the crazy guy one block over. All because your team lost on a Saturday. It’s tragic, really.
Pick: Washington

December 26 – 4:15 p.m. – FOX
At Dallas

If there are any Giants fans reading this, I have a question for you. What is your feeling towards Bill Parcells? I know he led your team to two Super Bowls, but can you still have love for a guy that now has a star on his jacket? I probably wouldn’t be able to drink Gatorade anymore if Parcells sold out my team like that.
Pick: Washington

January 2, 2005 – 1:00 p.m. – FOX
Vs. Minnesota

By this point in the season the Vikings will have already hit the zenith of their annual late-season swoon. They seem to like worthless victories late in the year, but this game should mean something for the Skins, so look for them to sneak into the wild card with a win in this one.
Pick: Washington

Final Prediction: 10-6
Over/Under on Mark Brunell Starts: 9
Clinton Portis rushing yards: 1750
Dan Synder flipping out on his idol Joe Gibbs after a Monday night loss to Dallas puts the Skins at 1-2: Priceless