Some thoughts on the 17-week, 256 game NFL schedule that was released yesterday.

Maybe Santa will bring us better games: For the first time since the 1971 playoffs, the NFL will have a doubleheader on Christmas Day. So, of course, for this rare holiday treat, the NFL schedules Oakland vs. Kansas City and Denver at Tennessee. Just so we’re clear, this is the same Oakland team whose core starters qualify for a senior discount at the movies and a Denver team that hasn’t won a playoff game since John Elway left. To think, thousands of people will be setting up their new flatscreen, HDTV sets they got for Christmas and the first thing they’ll see is Jake Plummer overthrowing Ashley Lelie. Merry Christmas indeed.

What were they thinking: Part I: Monday Night Football live from Cincinnati? This is the worst idea the NFL has had since they made teams play in those throwback uniforms and the Lions’ had to wear flesh colored pants that left little to the imagination. I don’t know what will be worse, a shot of a ¾ full Paul Brown Stadium at night from the Goodyear Blimp or hearing John Madden breakdown the Kitna-Palmer quarterback controversy.

What were they thinking: Part II The Minnesota Vikings play two games on Monday night and play the first Friday game of the century on Christmas Eve. Meaning, that for three of the NFL’s showcase game they are displaying a team that last made the playoffs in 2000 (and lost to the Giants 41-0). I’m guessing a lot of televisions will be clicking over to Miracle on 34th Street in about the third quarter of that Christmas Eve game.

Easiest road to recovery: The Tampa Bay Bucaneers schedule is about as easy it gets in today’s parity-filled NFL. In addition to their NFC South double round-robin schedule, the Bucs travel to Oakland, San Diego and Arizona and then face San Francisco, Chicago and Denver at home. Remember how the Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2001, missed the playoffs in 2002 and won against last year? Look for the Bucs to follow that pattern this season.

Toughest Tuesday morning to get up for work: Tie; Dallas at Washington (9/27) and Philadelphia at Dallas (11/15). NFC East battles on Monday Night football are about as good as it gets. And with Bill Parcells and Joe Gibbs back on the sidelines and a scrambling, winning, but somewhat uncaccurate quarterback playing for the Eagles, it will be like the late 1980’s all over again.

Easiest Tuesday morning to get up for work:: Tie; Denver at Cincinatti (10/25) and Dallas at Seattle (12/6). I know Seattle made the playoffs last year, but Matt Hasselbeck is about as entertaining as Joe Rogan.

Expect high ratings for the Sopranos: The Baltimore Ravens play not one, not two, but three Sunday night games on ESPN this year. The only way ESPN can make up for three nights of listening to Paul McGuire and Joe Thiesmann talk about how great Kyle Boller is, as he’s throwing his fourth interception of the night, is to mike up Ray Lewis for each of the games and broadcast everything he says unedited. (Great reality show idea: 25 people compete for the opportunity to be in Ray Lewis’ posse. Tasks include taking Ray’s mink coat to the dry cleaners, lying to Federal grand juries, comparing prices of Cristal at Baltimore-area bars and preparing a detailed trash-talking scouting report on opposing players. At the end of each episode the contestants would dress up in full-pads and Lewis would blindside whoever was eliminated that week. Seriously, if a tool like Donald Trump can have a hit TV show, imagine what Ray-Ray would do.)

Toughest mid-season stretch: From November 21 to December 19 the St. Louis Rams will play four of five games on the road (including games in the frigid weather of Buffalo and Green Bay). Mike Martz might want to start thinking about who he’s going to blame for those losses.

Too much Kurt Kittner will do that: After having three apperances on Monday night football last year (and a couple Sunday night games) only to have Michael Vick on the bench for each of them, the Atlanta Falcons will have only one primetime game this year. It’s probably for the best. After all, they did hire Jim Mora, Jr to be their head coach.

Toughest homecoming: In his first game in his second go-round with the Redskins, Joe Gibbs will face Jon Gruden and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on the NFL’s opening weekend.

This still doesn’t explain why the Bengels play on a Monday night: The last three teams that have lost in the Super Bowl (Raiders, Rams and Giants) haven’t made the playoffs the following year. The Panthers, a team that last year benefitted from as much from luck as it did with skill, could easily make it four in a row, thus the NFL has only rewarded Carolina with one Monday night football game, an opening-week tilt with the Packers.

Better buy one of those mini-fridges and program Papa John’s into your speed dial: On Sunday January 2, there will be 16 NFL games on the same day for the first time in the history of the league. Coupled with the fact that it is the last weekend of the regular season and that the day before has nine scheduled college bowl games, the first weekend in January will usher in 2005 with hangovers, heartburn and 48-straight hours of couch-sitting.

Circle Your Calendar:

September 9 – Indianapolis at New England
Rematch of last years AFC Championship game. With four straight wins to open the season, the Pats will break Miami’s record for consecutive wins. But first they need to get by Peyton Manning and company.

September 12 – Tampa Bay at Washington
Joe Gibbs returns to the sidelines and Tampa Bay plays their first game without Warren Sapp and John Lynch.

September 19 – St. Louis at Atlanta
Michael Vick returns to Hotlanta to face St. Louis. This should be the first real test for Vick’s leg and for Larry Marmie’s Ram defense.

September 27 – Dallas at Washington
Monday night. Cowboys and Redskins. Parcells and Gibbs. Enough said.

October 17 – Carolina at Philadelphia
NFC Championship game: Part II.

October 31 – Baltimore at Philadelphia
If this one was played in Baltimore, Terrell Owens would have been booed out of the stafdium. Of course, if Owens is having a bad year, the Philly fans might make him wish the game as in Baltimore.

November 14 – Detroit at Jacksonville
Just seeing if you were still paying attention.

December 5- Green Bay at Philadelphia
The Eagles seem to be playing a lot of big games at home this year. This rematch of last years classic NFC Divisional Playoff game should be a fun one. Think this might have been a better Monday Night matchup than Dallas/Seattle?

December 18 – Carolina at Atlanta
This Saturday primetime affair could determine the winner of the NFC South. It could just as easily be a matchup between the two worst teams in the division.

January 2 – Indianapolis at Denver
Prediction: Mike Shanahan’s job will be on the line in this game.

Tomorrow: Redskins Schedule Breakdown